where is IT?

right now it's one of the most challenging moments of my life.
to think that i have to make the decisions so early...
i still cannot bear the consequences of my choice.
should I or should i not?
that is the question.
what i really want,
what i really cared about,
what is it that i'm actually looking for
that i'd traveled so far in reach of the sea of unknowns,
which is so terrifying even now after years...
i still cannot afford to make these choices now,
no i cannot see the end right now.
it's as if i'm waiting for someone or something
to make all of these impossible things to possible,
 i need a push, a really strong push from behind...
the passion, the fire, the motivation,
 the hope, the dream,
what is it that i'm looking for i cannot see it still....
please let me find it,
 i cannot move on without it,
i need that something...
where is it the one thing i seek,
 i cannot feel it coming and yet,
i need it now more than ever....